Lesbian activist Ging Cristobal puts it plainly: ‘Tolerance is high in the Philippines as long as you conform to the stereotypes. As long as you are funny, as long as you don't rock the boat and ask for your rights, it’s okay to be gay and lesbian here.’ What that means in practice is not doing anything to shame your family, says Cristobal. ‘To avoid family shame, you regulate your own sexuality. You don’t come out.’
More than 85 percent of Filipinos are Catholic, with most of the rest following hard-line Christian sects or Islam. The political power of the Catholic Church has kept divorce, abortion, and legal rights for gays at bay. The faith shows little sign of flagging here. Shrines to the Virgin Mary dot cities, with crucifixes having been rubbed bare by the touch of thousands of petitioners. The nuclear family remains largely intact.
Church family and life spokesman Monsignor Pepe says the church accepts gays, but calls on them not to sin. ‘We accept them as our fellow Filipinos, we accept and cherish them,’ he says. But Pepe is adamant that gay marriage must not be allowed. ‘Gay men should marry a woman,’ he says. ‘We have a lot of gay people here with the opposite sex. Marriage must be between the opposites. Otherwise it isn’t marriage at all.’ Many gay men have followed his advice in part—acting straight, marrying, having children, and going to Catholic mass. But in their own time, they don’t hide their attraction to men.
One of the major issues for closeted gays is maintaining their faith at a time when the Catholic Church is mounting a campaign against all modern ills, under the acronym of DEATH: divorce, euthanasia, abortion, total population control, and homosexual lifestyles. Across the country, priests deliver sermon after sermon against such threats as Benigno Aquino’s plan to pass a controversial reproductive health bill permitting the state to distribute contraceptive devices. Orthodox Catholics and clergy are outraged over a series of mass gay weddings organized in July by the Quezon City branch of the Metropolitan Community Church, a gay splinter church from the United States.
The weddings have no legal weight, but have created a furore amongst Catholics—and gays and lesbians who believe any move toward gay marriage is premature. Reyes, the founder of the eponymous chain of high-end hair salons, largely staffed by bakla (effeminate gay) men, says gays should leave marriage to heterosexuals. ‘I get mad at gays pursuing things that are impossible. My god, give it to the men and women. If you love somebody, live with them. Living with and understanding someone is better than marriage.’
Those struggling are people like Delos, involved in Living Waters, a Catholic-based group aimed at turning gays into heterosexuals. For Delos, a lean, intense man with an almost imperceptible cleft lip, the process is agonising. ‘I myself suffered from homosexual addiction,’ he says. ‘The pain of being rejected by all the men in my life—my father, my friends—made me seek out the relief of orgasm. But it would only work for a little while.’ From sleeping with a new man every week, Delos says he’s cut down to one encounter a year. ‘Recently, the Lord showed me a vision of me having sex with a woman,’ he says, laughing. ‘The funny thing is that I would normally be repulsed. But I was enjoying it.’
Popular Manila blogger Migs doesn’t want his full name used, as his family still believe he is heterosexual. For five years, Migs lived in the strict monastery-like conditions of an Opus Dei compound in Manila, battling to stave off his attraction to men. ‘I met a woman who was almost perfect for me,’ he says earnestly. ‘But I was not attracted sexually to her. I told myself—either I'll marry her or make a decision to explore the other side of me. Soon afterwards, I found myself a boyfriend and I never looked back.’
Doug Hendrie is an Australian freelance writer. His work has appeared in The Age, The Australian and The Sydney Morning Herald, among other publications.
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jeff forsythe
I think that in these difficult times, it is not easy for people to distinguish the difference between good and bad when its comes to such moral issues as premarital sex, drug abuse, gay rights, abortion, euthanasia, etc.
I consider myself very lucky because I practice Falun Gong, which allows me to know the difference between right and wrong and Falun Gong has answered and is still answering my many questions about life.
It is a free practice with tens of millions of practitioners Worldwide. Thank you.
M.S.
There is very little separation between the Catholic Church and the Government of The Philippines. They heavily influence the government when it comes to social policy. While Filipinos are usually very accepting and tolerant of gay people, compared to most Asian countries, the stranglehold the Catholic Church has on the country’s government prevents basic human rights and legal equality for gay people from ever happening. The Philippine government cannot even legalize divorce for straight people or provide contraception devices to try and help reduce the overcrowding population because the Catholic Church’s current policy says it is a “sin.” I really feel for gay people, or religious minorities in this country because their legal system seems to have a hard time protecting minorities from the “rules” imposed by the Catholic Church.
Cyrus
It is a blessing in disguise that Filipino’s are not homophobic and that gays can be gays without any fear and worry. Their rights are assured though if in terms of the protection of the laws the Police would not treat the gays differently.
Though they WILL NOT have same sex marriage, and all that kind of stuff.
Kimbo Y. Laurel
Gays and Lesbian are getting accepted in the Filipino society but there are some Filipinos cannot accept them due to strong Abrahamic religion(Christianity and Islam) and stereotypical Macho-ism. I do support the anti-discrimination bill but it will be difficult to be implemented into law due to religious belief and authoritativeness of the church and religion. Filipinos are bit like ultraconservative Latinos of Asia in the history of Philippines under Spanish rule except share some belief of other Asian in the collective sense.
Cyrus
Mike if you want us to just accept the Gay’s and let them Marry males, then you are absurd. If goes against every Filipino Value that I ever knew, even fellow gays are against the Same Sex Marriage.
Same Sex Marriage creates a problem, not only for Homosexuals but also for the majority of the Filipino People. We are a Christian Country majority, is even the Ultra Conservative Christians (Reason why divorce cant even make it, even Artificial Contraceptive is having a hard time). Now tell me is it not an achievement for the Philippines to be this friendly with gays given our Ultra Conservative Background?
We do not tolerate them because they help the Family. My uncle is gay and he doesn’t help any of my cousins. Yet we accept him and he can be as gay as he wants. Only rule is no women clothing, simple.
Yavor
Well why do you assume I am not Asian? I live in Asia for more than 4 years now and I do know that Asian people emphasis on family values. In fact my partner is Asian so I am well aware of the fact of family values. That’s not the point. Because if you are “ashamed” or “afraid” that by being gay, gays will ruin your family and your family values it is equal of being not tolerant. You can build walls around your family, by doing so you are doomed to lose your values.
Imagine your children being gay. How would they feel if you don’t let them being gay in the family. They will feel outcast, hurt, discriminated and not loved. They will be suicidal and grow up with issues. And you will be a proud parent???
Congratulations on you being tolerant..
@Billi Anderson Human rights are universal. Doesn’t matter what country you live in ..the right to eat, drink and love freely is universal. But yes you are right, sadly in many countries Human Rights are not executed or adopted entirely
Cyrus
If you understand then stop shoving your Western Standards to Asians. We are not saying they cant act gay. I am saying they cant dress up in female outfits, if they talk like gay people or act like gay people then that’s totally fine.Not wearing female clothes to family occasion is not tantamount to not letting them being gays.
We are only asking them to respect the Family and dress appropriately. If they can’t even give that ounce of respect then I ask you, why should we also respect them for being a person.
RESPECT begets RESPECT. Simple as that.
Yavor
Cyrus from your comments I understand that you respect only yourself and your own values!Very selfish approach! I live in Asia and I have Asian partner. Never “shoved” my standards on anyone. And i do respect Asian values because I believe that one has to respect first others for their believes and values and then expect respect in return and not the other way around.
I also believe that you are ignorant because you are “afraid” of gay people. I hope your kids won’t turn up being gay for their own sake.
There is thousands of gay-lesbian girls in your country that suffer from ignorance like the one you are showing on this forum.
Cyrus
If you are Asian then you would know what is the code with family and how you are expected to act.
Cyrus
Yes! If you are in front of the family with children then be proper. If you are with adults then be gay as you want there wont be a problem.
Cyrus
Yes we are tolerant here. Btw, kindly correct the article it is not Prime Minister. We are Unitary Republican Government here in the Philippines. There is only a President.
Yavor
Cyrus, How tolerant are you?
Read this article and think again ;)
http://www.autostraddle.com/lesbians-in-philippines-living-secret-lives/
@the author: make a better research ;) Check out Taiwan ;)
Cyrus
Very tolerant. I don’t mind gays and I have friends who are gays too. As long as they don’t assault me then by all means be gay.
Cyrus
Of course if you are with family you should be respectful and proper. Even if you are gay you should not attend family occasions as a drag queen. It is not because we can’t accept them but it is for the good of the Children.
They should not be exposed to such oddity. Again Oddity because majority of men do not wear women’s clothes.
Frank
oddity ???
Speaking of tolerant ???
Mike
Cyrus is displaying the typical Filipino ‘tolerance’. It’s a tolerance that views lgbt people as people, but “strange” people, and it accepts gays and lesbians as long as they don’t ask to be treated equally under the law…especially when it comes to marriage or partnership rights. A pseudo-tolerance at best.
Yavor
Cyrus,
get educated .. gay men do not wear women clothes- trans gender and transsexuals do! But even then it is not “oddity” it is a human right for people to dress as they feel, and to love whoever they want. Your comment shows how tolerant you are and that you don’t even have a basic idea of what gay or lesbian means.
In the developed countries is a normal not odd to have gay marriage and children.
Best
Cyrus
@YAVOR you get yourself educated and learn what ASIANS are. Their values and their Culture.
You should know that FAMILY is SACRED to ASIANS and that being a DRAG QUEEN in a family get together is an insult to the entire Family. So yeah that is why they cant flaunt about their being HOMOSEXUALS.
Billy Andersson
Well of course what is a human right, depends on what country you live in.
Cyrus
“Your RIGHT ends when the RIGHT of others begins”.
So they need to respect us also, we are already ok with them being gays and being drag queens.
GAY=HOMOSEXUAL – I do not care if they have change their sex or what not they are Homosexual the whole lot of them.
So in response I am educated, we allow them to do as they wish, they also must respect our right in terms of Family. If they cannot respect us on the terms that we set then should we just bow down to them and set aside our right also?
We do not have legislation’s which are anti-gay even gay people in the Philippines are bashing gay’s for wanting a Gay Marriage for krisakes.
Those gays are better they know what freedom they have here and they respect also our right, so in a sense it is not tolerance it is a compromise between HOMOSEXUALS and HETEROSEXUALS.
Yavor
@Mike totally agree with you